


Intertwined

by ColorMeAlive



Category: Supergirl
Genre: F/F, I swear it will all make sense, Please Don't Kill Me, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-18 04:00:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10608849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorMeAlive/pseuds/ColorMeAlive
Summary: A horrific accident leads to memories of a lived life, of happiness and contentment. One gets left behind to deal with the world on their own.---I got this brilliant idea, which probably won't make sense from the first chapter, but I swear it will eventually. I really like the structure I thought of and as much as you'll hate me, I promise things get resolved.





	1. At first, there was light.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I got this idea because I couldn't find anything like this in the Sanvers tag and I thought why not diversify it. I really, really like the structure and the story I came up with, so please BEAR with me. I promise it will be a fun ride. Well at least it will be interesting. 
> 
> Unfortunately I had to edit on my phone, so I apologize for any words that were originally in italics but didn't make it to the final cut. I hope you like it.

Something among the words "car", "flipped", "fire" and "remnants" was whirling through her head. And ache, the mystifying ache, that only intensified by the minute, was destroying every single trace of happiness in her soul. And she should be happy, the sound of her crying should make her happy. But vocal apologies and condolences meant more and weighted more than her own daughters cry for her mother. For the world around her, needn't stop their lives for a moment.

\-------

"Are you absolutely sure I don't have to bring anything? I can swing by a pizzeria and get something, if you want me to." Said the well known voice on the other side of the line and Maggie smiled to herself. It had been a long way, but here they were, bickering about their Friday night dinner.

"Babe, it's fine. I'll make us some Lasagna and I'll open the bottle of wine my father gave us, for you. There's no need for you to bother. Come home." She answered and the sigh was to be heard.

"You know, as much as I appreciate a home cooked dinner, I'm starting to feel like I have a stay at home wife." Alex said somewhat bemused.

"I haven't heard you complain last night when you were screaming-" Maggie began.

"I'm at work, dude! Ok, I'm not complaining, I love my beautiful, fierce, amazing wife." Alex hurried and Maggie laughed heartily.

"I thought you were at work. Or is the mighty Alexandra Danvers able to say such words in front of mr. Schott?" Maggie asked.

"Said mr. Schott knows I can do several things with just one finger." Danvers answered.

"Oh, yes. Yes you can." Maggie mused and she could hear Alex blush from the other side of the phone.

"I didn't- I wasn't-" Alex started but got cut off once again by Maggie's laugh.

"Come home, babe."

\-------

"And why do we need to do this?" Maggie asked again and fell down next to several boxes.

"You already know why. Because Kara is moving and she has loads of boxes and furniture, you know how she practically collects clutter and-" Alex explained.

"No, no, you misunderstood my question. Emphasis on _We_ , please." Maggie continued, leaving Alex sighing.

"Because she doesn't trust moving guys with her stuff, because of the Supergirl stuff and J'onn has her on a mission in Alaska and we're surprising her." Alex explained once again, even though she knew that her wife was perfectly aware of all this.

"And, besides, in between breaks, you can stare at my ass, which you have to admit looks amazing, while I work." She added and Maggie snorted somewhere in the distance.

"I'm starting to think that I am just a bad influence on you, Danvers. But yeah. indeed, I do like admiring what's mine." Maggie said casually and Alex let an entire box full of books fall to the floor.

"You may have some wits, but I am the queen of them lines." Maggie continued smugly. The tiny brunette suddenly felt herself being lifted from behind, spun around, out of instinct wrapping her legs around the taller woman's hips. And out of nowhere, but somehow expected, Alex's lips crashed into hers and it was once again a world of colors and everything Alex Danvers.

"You. Are. The. Queen. Of. Everything." Alex whispered against her lips, between short breaths.

"Damn right I am." Maggie answered, feeling her back being slammed to Kara's brand new door. They had promised Kara they would abstain from inaugurating the new apartment with their antics, for at least the amount of time her scent settled in it. Because I do not want my house to forever smell of your...you- little Danvers had said, but that voice was so far away right now. It seemed the only thing present in this universe right now was Alex Danvers. And scents and inaugurations be damned.

Because right now, Alex's mouth was working it's way down Maggie's jawline, silently nipping and sucking at it, to the girl's neck and finally to her collarbones. Maggie's hissing made Alex look up, but Maggie's look reassured her of consent and she went on. For Alex, the black button up Maggie was wearing was the greatest impediment in the world right now, worse than any bad guys she fought for the DEO. But she knew Maggie loved that shirt, so she silently unbuttoned it, with her gaze fixed on Maggie's beautiful face, once again wondering where she had gotten that lucky.

"Alex. Babe. Just-" Maggie tried to articulate, but one of Alex's palms was kneading at her left breast, while the other one firmly held onto her ass, squeezing it and making her lose all patience.

"You do need to articulate what you want, love." Alex mumbled, while sucking on Maggie's neck, while knowing very well it was such an immature thing to do, but being well aware how much she loved Maggie's bruises the next day.

"Everything . You. Only you." Maggie said in between breaths. Alex took that as a sign she was free to do anything and without warning she slammed two fingers into Maggie. A scream was the evidence of unawareness her pants had been opened, the evidence of such love.

"Color?" Alex asked in a ragged tone and Maggie, who was just starting to adjust to Alex's presence inside of her, silently whispered a barely audible green.

\--------

They had been fighting the half man-half monster for at least 2 hours and Alex finally found a moment of rest, behind the flipped over car. The city, somehow, was silent, event though the shouting of Kara, the vigilante, her own guys and Maggie altogether made it seem like an apocalypse. She knew it was selfish to just pause and rest, but her legs wouldn't keep her up anymore. In order to make sure she would be able to help the others, she had to regain strength. What was more interesting was the fact that Maggie seemed to have it all under control.

Not the fact that she could handle a gun surprised Alex, but the fact that she already adjusted to the team in such manner that she fit more than well in. She had everyone's back and everyone had hers. Alex turned around to check on her girlfriend to make sure she was handling it well and oh she did. She did manage to fight one of the smaller bad guys and she seemed to have it well under control.

And then there was a gun. And a shot which went wrong, but for the one behind it so perfectly. The bullet slid it's way perfectly through the air, gliding past the vigilante, past Kara, past J'onn and attached itself to Maggie's abdomen. It made itself at home there.

Then there was screaming. Shouting, wailing, almost crying. Alex realized certainly late that she was the one making those sounds. Her feet, once so exhausted were running faster than ever before and her body seemed to anticipate bullets. Maggie was falling and Alex then understood the concept of slow motion and the concept of wanting to be the one who would make the fall easier. But with a barely audible sound Maggie did indeed fall, with eyes shut and mouth slightly open.

The bullets rained around her, but Alex was running, she was sprinting as fast as she could, pushing people at the side and getting to the girl on the ground. Her hands quickly slid to the wound, which appeared to be around her hip and even though she should have been worrying about possible outcomes of this, Alex just had to wonder how angelic the girl looked.

"I'm going to be okay, darling." Maggie said before falling into a deep sleep. And Alex wanted to believe her.

The flashbacks set in 2 weeks after the fight. Maggie was back home, under strict instructions from the doctors to stay in bed. Alex obeyed and took care and never took a break, because she had seen what happened when she took a break.

It wasn't like Kara and the gang had forgotten the incident, but there was no guilt left for them. It all remained on Alex's shoulders and now Alex just waited for the moment Maggie could walk safely again and would eventually leave her. Get a divorce, leave the country, because her wife hadn't been able to protect her.

She brought food and cases to her bed every single day and washed her gently when needed. Maggie was smiling and back to being her old self, snuggling in her comforter to watch Disney movies and sing along with Simba, Timon, and Pumba. Alex watched her closely, ready to catch her when the legs wouldn't hold anymore, ready with pain killers and everything.

Except for comfort and love, Maggie thought and wanted to talk it out when she would regain her strength. For she was now too exhausted, too drained to hear how Alex was disappointed in her and how she wanted to leave. So the words remained unspoken and days went by.

It was only one night when Alex woke up drenched with sweat, muffling her own scream in her own pillow, on her own side of the bed, with her back to the girl sleeping next to her. And the girl stirred and moved, revealing an almost new born human, turning around, reaching around her waist to check her and noticing the tears streaming down Alex's face. Maggie knew the time for talking had come and there was no going back.

"Alex. Talk to me." Instead of talking, Alex bit on her pillow harder, clenching her jaw shut.

"Hey. Babe." And that was a word Alex hadn't been called in weeks and she thought she deserved not being called it. Maggie thought she hadn't had any chance between wordless handing over of remotes and hot soups. The word had clenched to her lips so many times, but Alex's disappointed face stopped her every time.

"Hey. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." Maggie whispered and Alex knew those words all too well from another world, where she used to say those words to boys and the boys would just nod and go on with their lives. Why couldn't she just nod and just go on with her life?

"Alex. Alex, baby, I love you so much." -but Alex thought. _But I need to be with someone who would protect me in times of peril._

"I won't leave, only if you want me to." Maggie continued, the grasp on this world diminished and Alex found the will to let go of her pillow and turn around to face the angel. She must have been looking at her like a small, innocent child, because Maggie sighed, and gently stroked Alex's wet face.

"There are so many things I would have made differently that night. I would have been more careful, but out of reckless optimism and stupid courage, I thought I could do every thing. But you weren't on my side." Maggie explained and Alex finally heard the words that betrayed her actions. Alex wasn't on her wife's side.

"And because of that, I couldn't do everything. I'm so sorry I put you through all of this." Maggie continued. Alex finally understood the implications and what Maggie really meant and her eyes went wide in shock.

"No. No. No. Darling, love, no. I should have been there, I shouldn't have taken a break, I shouldn't have relied on those there, I should have had your back, I should have-" Alex went off and Maggie stared at her with those beautiful, absolute angelic eyes, with so much love and compassion that her earlier dream of mortally shot angels suddenly dissipated.

 "No, babe. You should take breaks. You can't always look after me. You have to look after yourself too and be aware of your own person." Maggie said.

"So you don't want to leave me?" Alex said in a whisper and Maggie finally let out a laugh after so many weeks. It sounded unexercised, but still so perfect.

"Never in a million years. Ride or die, right?"

\----

Alex woke up to the sound of their automatic coffee machine preparing the needed liquid and opened her eyes to face her bride. The woman she'd share the rest of her life with, the woman she intertwined her soul with. The girl sleeping peacefully next to her, with a small smile on her bright face, with that mess of a hair, Alex had spent hours last night running her fingers through. Maggie, the one she vowed to protect whatever the cost, the woman she'd wake up next to for the rest of her life. The angel.

Maggie woke up to brown eyes, ever so careful and loving, slightly concerned face and soft, but yet so fierce features. She woke up to the person she most looked up to, the person who made every second better and every minute worth living. Through her own eye lashes she counted Alex's own and tried to capture every feature of her wife's features, to take a snapshot of everything perfect in this world. The world.

"So, mrs. Danvers, would you care for some breakfast?" Alex silently asked, after kissing Maggie's tender nose, running her fingers on her face.

"Indeed I would. But your arms mrs. Danvers would also be appreciated." Maggie responded and got wrapped up in Alex's strong arms, pressing her head to the other girl's chest.

"Did you have a beautiful wedding?" Alex's expected question came and Maggie didn't take a second to think of an answer.

"It was everything and more. Kara throwing flowers on the carpet, our mum's sobbing, Winn dancing, J'onn taking you to father daughter dance..." Maggie remembered and inhaled Alex's scent. She smelled of nature, of woods, of strength and happiness.

"It was perfect and this coming out of my mouth is very cliche, but it is the truth." Alex continued.

"Where have I heard those words before?"

"In another life, babe, in another life."

\-------

For the very first time in her life, Maggie Sawyer was nervous. She was standing in front of Kara Zor El's apartment, with her hand locked in Alex's. Alex was a proud rock, prepared for battle and everything before and after. Maggie was ready to run in case of a backlash. Because while she did know that Kara would happily accept their engagement, but Alex's mum? She wasn't so sure. Hell, around Eliza she wasn't sure of anything. Maggie just had to grit her teeth and be ready to evacuate Alex in case of emergency.

They had argued whether Thanksgiving would be the time to share this news with their family and while both had to admit it was the only way to share the news with everyone at once, it was also the best way to face backlash. She felt Alex's grip tightening around her and an audible exhale left her mouth. _Ride or die._

Alex knocked twice at the door which was swung open in no less than 2 seconds. Kara was standing in front of it, with a forced smile on and an even more desperate look.

"How fine of you to show up, ladies. Alex, your mother is such a nice lady, but I swear she-" she quickly hissed and Alex made her way through the door, taking Maggie in with her.

"May I remind you she is your mother too? And you're the one who keeps pushing that we needn't give her alcohol to avoid any catastrophe? Do you remember the point I made?" Alex asked, while taking Maggie's coat and hanging it up.

"Why, girls, how nice of you to come." Eliza's voice was heard and both Danvers sisters froze, wondering how much their mother had heard. Before Alex or Kara could say anything, Maggie turned around, and gave Eliza her warmest smile.

"Maggie, you're as wonderful as ever. I am sorry for my daughters here who do not know how to behave. Would you like something to drink?" Eliza asked. Maggie took her by the extended arm and looked to Alex lovingly.

"Gladly."

The rest of the gang was all spread out throughout Kara's apartment. Lena and Winn were playing some kind of an ancient Chinese game called "Go", while Mon El and James were looking through some old family pictures of Kara's. No longer had Maggie received her glass of wine, everyone got called to the table, ready to begin the family tradition.

While James and Winn were grateful for the chance to help alongside Kara and try to make the world a better place, Mon El was talking about the chance to befriend everyone around. Lena talked about the chance to help Kara and befriend her, thanking Eliza over and over for inviting her for Thanksgiving. And then it was Maggie's turn. She looked at Alex assuringly, having already talked about it, but Alex was staring intently at her wine glass.

And Maggie's heart broke. It broke for all the time Alex couldn't be happy for her accomplishments, for all the times Alex had looked for recognition, but never got it. For all the times Alex had deserved to be happy, but couldn't. Not really.

"There are many things I am grateful things. Little things, like my perfect coffee in the morning, good weather, great friends and a great job, for careless mornings and for the happiest of moments. I am grateful for every moment on this world, but I am even more grateful for all the moments I got to spent the last 3 years alongside Alex. I am grateful and undeserving of every coffee she has ever cooked for me, for every rainy day she made sunnier, for all the amazing friends I gained through her, for all the amazing adventures we have together at our jobs and for the mornings I get to wake up next to her. I feel so undeserving and so blown away by just one person, so imagine the moment she said yes. The moment she agreed to marry me. And that's what I am most grateful for." Maggie explained, dominating the silence the room got engulfed in. Kara's eyes were filling up with tears and it was visible she was gripping on Mon El's arm, just by his expression. James and Winn were silently whispering Yes and Lena silently clapped.

And Alex? Alex was everything. Alex was the beginning and the end, Alex was light and darkness, she was the moon and the stars, the sun and the constellations, every single particle of this world. But Maggie's contentment didn't last long, as Eliza's chair got silently pushed and she moved in an indefinite direction until she reached Maggie and enveloped her in a hug. Through the sobbing she heard the _thank you and I love you and the welcome to the family_ and Kara's squeals and Alex getting hugged from all directions. But Eliza was hugging her.

\----

"Charge to 200!" Came the exhausted yet calm tone of someone in the distance, someone so far away from the memories, someone so far away from the happiness. Her own chest rose to the sky in an unnatural manner and the white light left her unable to move, unable to live. Unfortunately, she was so alive. So, so alive in a world without Alex Danvers.


	2. For better or worse

For now, there was silence. Silence in and out, silence as a building material of her being. Closed eyes were also a big part of the play and people moving around, not able to capture her attention nor offer her the desire the escape the silence and the closure. And it was cold. Tremendously cold.

\----  
"You do know it's called cheating, right?" Winn said with an exasperated look of defeat on his face. James just pat his back reassuringly and gave the girls a disapproving look.

"How is it cheating?" Alex asked, while rubbing circles on her wife's back. Maggie was humming in content. Her weight had been playing it's role in daily business and her back was the only victim.

"I'm sure there must be a rule about not being allowed to be on the same team as your wife!" Winn continued and looked at Kara with hope, who just laughed lightly, raising her glasses on her nose.

"There are indeed all kind of rules in this game, but not a word on marriage or partnerships. You'd think you and James would get better at teamwork after so many years." She stated and gave her girls a reassuring look. Lena sat down next to her, putting a cold beer in her hand.

It had become tradition. Every single Friday night, the friends would gather and would play a game of their choice, would drink and would let themselves relax. Lena Luthor had joined them, which also seemed to become tradition after last year's Christmas and everyone was happy about it. She was good for Kara. Even just as a friend. Maggie suspected this would change.

The good and the bad in their lives, Friday game night was always there and sometimes even good for easing out tension between the friends.

"It's not my fault he can't draw for his life." Winn is sighed and earned himself a punch in the arm from James.

"Are you okay?" Alex whispered in Maggie's ear, aware that Kara'd be the only one to hear her. And that was alright, she was allowed to worry for her wife. Kara's head immediately shot up in their direction and gave Alex a concerned look.

"Yes, babe, I'm fine. You know me, I have good and bad days." Maggie answered and leaned back on the couch. She was 6 months pregnant and the worry of the group. Which frankly made her somehow uncomfortable, but Alex's concern was good. Alex's concern was all she needed.

"Just tell me if you want to go home." Alex answered contentedly and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"How is it going, Maggie? How far along are you now?" Lena asked soon after, after the boys and Kara had left to pick up some food.

"6 months now. I guess it's fine, just a little bit weird, you know? I never imagined myself in this situation." Maggie answered truthfully. She had never said that in front of Alex, but wanted to talk about it so badly. It was good that Alex was in the kitchen, setting the table.

"You never imagined yourself having children?" Lena asked on her calm, warm tone and Maggie wondered yet again how Kara could hold herself standing in front of this woman.

"Of course I did. But I somehow never imagined myself being the one to carry them." She admitted and waited for Lena's laugh. Which never came.

"Are you worried about that certain social construct of a needed male and female in any relationship, no matter the sexuality?" She instead asked and Maggie was surprised. Because at once she could pin point the problem.

"Maybe? I am not so sure." Maggie mumbled.

"I hope you realize that you carrying a child does in no way make you inferior to Alex in this relationship, right?" Lena continued. She was standing so upright, so sure of herself, yet so assuring and calm.

"I do, I really do. I know it's so stupid, but I'm not sure how to let myself be taken care of." Maggie explained and a look of recognition flashed through Lena's eyes.

"Even the most badass of us need to be taken cared of once in a while. Personally, I think this makes you even more badass than you were. And that's a lot." Lena said bemused, making Maggie laugh.

"I think you and I should talk more often."

\------  
Around noon, Alex was shuffling through the house in her pajamas, with fluffy socks on and her glasses on top of her head, with hot chocolate in both of her hands. Maggie was on the couch, reading peacefully, humming to the vinyl playing in the background.

"It's time." Alex said softly, giving the hot chocolate carefully to the woman and sitting down next to her. For a second or more, Maggie ignored her, keeping her eyes glued to her book.

"Babe. You promised." Alex whined and pulled at Maggie's collar, kissing her collarbone. Her hands wandered down to Maggie's stomach, which was finally showing a little roundness to it. 4 months in and Alex couldn't be more impatient.

"I also promised myself I would finish this book today." Maggie answered, taking Alex's hand and keeping it pressed to her stomach.

"So if this child is going to ask me why they have a stupid name, I'm supposed to tell them that their mother was too preoccupied reading a book, rather than naming them?" Alex asked, making Maggie chuckle and forcing her to close the book. As a thank you, Alex gently turned her over, bringing her on her own lap and going in for a kiss, slowly, warmly and loving. The kiss felt like a Sunday morning, like the sun rays coming through the windows, like cold coffee and of books, hugs and promises. Maggie's lips were everything. Her hands wandered through Maggie's hair and the woman began to unbutton her pajama shirt, but Alex stopped her with a smirk.

"I know what you're doing." She stated and kissed every single finger of hers and resting the palm on the couch.

"What am I doing?" Asked Maggie innocently, now tugging at Alex's waistband.

"You are distracting me from what we agreed to do." Alex said and with those words she flipped Maggie back on her spot, got up, leaving her wife with her eyes wide open in shock. She went for the book and sat back down, but farther away from Maggie who was finally giving up and was putting the bookmark in her book.

"Suggestions. Got any?" Alex asked, standing with her back pressed on the arm of the couch, facing the beauty on the other side of it. Maggie took her time, took a sip of the cocoa, enjoyed it and then finally looked up. Her eyes were glowing and so asking for it, but Alex had learned her woman's ways.

"How about- Alex Danvers won't make love to her wife-?" Maggie proposed and Alex had to mentally face palm herself.

"Please think of the life our child would lead with such name." Alex begged of her, but Maggie just laughed.

"I think it's be a true reminiscence of that very moment, the first time my wife ever turned me down. Wow, Danvers, I thought we'd pass another 5 or 10 years before that." Maggie laughed and Alex turned bright red.

"Oh my god, you sex crazed woman. Here's the deal: for every good suggestion you have and which we can discuss, I will do something, which would eventually get you to getting what you want, how does that sound?" Alex proposed, Maggie raised and eyebrow.

"As much as it displeases me that you mock my love for you, I do agree. We need to make this interesting."

"Let's just hope the kid won't ever ask how they got their name." Alex mumbled, looking up to Maggie with full dimples on display, which always made her forget her grudge.

"How about Ingrid for a girl and Luis for a boy?" Maggie said, finally showing some interest.

"I do like Luis. Ingrid not so much. It's a little soft for my taste." Maggie scoffed.

"What's with you and soft names?"

"I think a name really has an impact on a person's personality. It has been psychologically proven that-" Alex began but got cut off by Maggie.

"Yeah, yeah, less talking, more keeping your deal." Maggie said. Alex had to laugh and pushed herself forward to the woman, coming face to face with her, eyes inches from each other. There was a mixture of fear and excitement in Maggie's eyes, so much anticipation. She knew how Alex could get.

The day ended with them sprawled on the floor, covered in blankets, in front of the fire. The scent of sex and happiness lingered in the air, while the vinyl was still playing. Alex was sleeping on her stomach, with one arm protectively around Maggie's waist. And Maggie? Maggie was humming to the song, smiling widely, occasionally kissing Alex somewhere.

\------

They had been arguing for hours. Maggie had wanted to storm off through the door so many times, but Alex's warning look didn't give her such option. They were both in separate corners of the room, unwilling to look at each other. For so many hours, they had been turning the story on all sides and fighting, hoping to find an outcome, but it didn't work that way.

Both had the tendency to keep things to themselves, so as not to hurt the other one, but eventually it still ended somehow like this. With one in one corner of the room and the other one in the other. Unwilling to move, nor to fight anymore.

Eventually Alex got up, went to the fridge and fished a bottle of red wine out of it. She placed it in the middle of the room with no glassware to drink out of. Sitting down in front of it, she waited. She waited for Maggie to look at her, to see the gesture, to move over there so they could drink it out. Alex wanted to get wasted and forget how they got in this mess.

It had started with the frustrations of having to accept the fact that someone else would have to impregnate her wife. Not directly, but still. It nagged at Alex and she knew it was stupid, but she kept it for herself.

It continued when Alex had read of a study, which explained the possibility of using ones own DNA and marrow, which could eliminate the need of male sperm.  
She had told Maggie of if, too excited, too unaware of how she showed her reluctancy towards the initial plan.  
Maggie argued the study was still in trial form and risky. Alex put her entire trust in science.

Maggie eventually noticed the bottle and shuffled over to it, standing face to face with her wife. Her face held the traces of tears, Alex wished she could take back, wished she could apologize for every single one she caused.

"Do you still love me enough to drink this bottle of wine with me?" Alex asked carefully and Maggie answered by taking a sip out of the bottle. The cold wine woke her up.

" _You are being so selfish. So, so, unaware of my own feelings_." Alex had said and those words were washed down by wine and tears. They were deep down, but still boiling.

"I am so, so sorry." Alex said, with the saddest look fixated in Maggie's face. Her own wife refused to look at her and downed another sip of wine.

"I am the one being selfish. I am the one pushing you to do this and you should do it the way you feel most comfortable with." Alex stated and waited for an answer. Nothing came.

"Maggie, for what it's worth, I don't care. Not as long as you stay. Please stay." Alex's voice broke and she reached out for Maggie's hand, which never touched.

"As long as I am with you I do not care. But please don't break me. Please." Maggie finally turned her head with so much disappointment in her eyes.

"A friend of mine has a spare bed for tonight." She simply said and got up. Alex hoped she was the only one who heard the cracking of her heart.

"Please don't call."

Alex Danvers' walls fell down that night.

\-----  
"You know how I told you that Maggie spent the night?" Alex asked out of nowhere and Kara furrowed her eyebrows.

"Like a month or so, yeah. Why?" She said and turned to her sister who was suddenly the younger one.

"Well. Em. We didn't actually- we didn't actually do anything that night." Alex stuttered and Kara made a disgusted face.

"Please, spare me the details of my sister's sex life." Kara hurried.

"I would if there would be one." Alex answered, making Kara make a 180 degrees turn.

"You mean you guys haven't-? I mean, you-?" Kara tried but Alex just shook her head and Kara suddenly felt relief wash over.

"Yeah ok, then it's good. But why do you mention it?"

"Because I want to."

"You want to mention it?" Kara asked innocently and earned herself a slap on the shoulder.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. And what's the problem?"

Kara sensed the problem. She could sense her sister's racing heart whenever Maggie Sawyer was around, she could spot the clumsiness and the nervousness her sister was facing, but she still found it so adorably cute. The mighty Alex Danvers, nervous around a tiny detective, with killer dimples.

"Alex, dear. I am sure you have nothing to be nervous about. You will work it out like you always do and you'll see where that takes you." Kara explained, with both arms around her sister's shoulders.

"But she probably has so much experience and I am fresh off the boat and I do not want her to leave me because I am incapable and what will I do if she does leave and Kara do you think you could persuade her not to leave me?" Alex rambled on in the haste specific to nervous people, making Kara laugh heartily.

"Talk to her. I'm sure that such things get resolved with communication." Kara continued.

"Talk to her. Doesn't sound bad. Not at all. Could you talk to her?" Alex asked once again. Kara rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I'm going to talk to my sister's girlfriend about their sex life and explain her how nervous you are."

"It does sound stupid." Alex mumbled.

"Go get her, tiger."

\------  
It had been on her mind for days. For so many days she had tried to find a way to tell Alex, but nothing seemed right.  
  
She herself had found out involuntarily. They had long given up hope and were thinking of adopting, but Maggie hadn't felt right for the last few days and after throwing up at work a colleague of her joked about the possibility she'd be pregnant. And then of course one last spark of hope dawned on her.

So here she was trying to figure out how to tell her wife, how to articulate her own happiness. Because she was allowed to be happy, she was allowed to feel excitement. For once, Maggie Sawyer didn't face great problems in her life.

She came home late that night. Alex closed the door behind her exhausted, placed her gun on the small cabinet next to the door, hung her keys and coat, making her way to the bedroom. From the kitchen she could already see that her wife was safely nestled between sheets, reading another one of her books.

Alex, who never had much for Literature and it's vast importance, still had to admit the effect Maggie Sawyer had on her. When she saw her wife she thought of the fierce women of the past, of Joanne of Arc, of Katherine Parr, of queens who turned history around, who dominated everything around.

"I'm home, love." Alex stated, grabbing some leftover from the fridge and making her way to their bed. Taking the sandwich in one bite, she climbed the bed, climbed the path to her wife and settled with her arms around her,her head buried deeply on her chest. Maggie's breathing was peaceful, yet eager, autumn, yet spring. Maggie kissed the top of her head and put the book aside, wrapping her arms around the woman on her.

"Rough day, baby?" She asked silently, watching intently the way Alex move, as to figure out whether it was the time or not.

"Not really. Just long. And exhausting. And so, so far away from you." Alex mumbled and pressed herself harder onto Maggie, wanting her body close, wanting them to melt as one.

"You should really come around the DEO more often." She continued and finally looked up at the woman, who was smiling, as brightly as possible, as close to heaven as it got.

"That won't be possible for long." Maggie mused and Alex furrowed her eyebrows, her lips turning into a pout.

"Hey, I know you don't like to feel inferior, but it's really not that bad. And just think of the things we get to do in the back of my lab." Alex reminisced, making Maggie laugh heartily.

"Babe, as much as I love our shenanigans, someone else might not benefit from me being in constant danger." Maggie continued, trying to reach her point.

"If by that you mean J'onn, I should tell you he trusts you more than you think." Alex continued, her eyes filled with hope.

"Babe, I'm trying to tell you something here." Maggie said exhausted.

"And I'm trying to make a point, but alright. What is it?"

"The reason I won't put myself in so much danger anymore is that I have to care for someone else now too." Maggie explained and somehow paused for effect.

"I can take care of myself very well, thank you very much." Alex scoffed. Maggie rolled her eyes in despair and turned her wife off of her. It suddenly got serious.

"Alexandra Danvers. Think. I won't get myself into risky situations again, because I have to care for someone else too."

"Yeah, I get it, you're very protective of me and I appreciate- wait. What?" Alex took a double take and focused her eyes back in her wife, this time in complete silence.

"Are you telling me that you're-"

"Yes, Alex. I'm, with loads of difficulties, trying to tell you that I am pregnant." Maggie finally said and Alex's eyes went wide open in shock.

"You-you are, like-pregnant?" Alex uttered. She thought how unusual it was for her to say the word like and she despised herself for saying it now, but Alexandra Danvers was at loss of words.

"Yeah, yes I am. In 9 months or so, there'll be a tiny Alex around here." Maggie said, already picturing the image.

"Or- or a tiny Maggie." Alex said still in disbelief, with her mouth still hung open in surprise. The perspective of having a child with the love of her life was still do unbelievable, yet so real.

"Are you happy?" Maggie asked carefully.

"Happy? How could I be happy, Maggie? Happy is such a tiny word for what I'm feeling right now. My heart is so full of love, my darling, you can't even paint yourself a picture of it. My heart threatens to explode and I'm afraid it will, but if I should die right now, I'd die with so much love and happiness, my love." Alex said, kissing the amazing woman, tracing every single part of her body with her fingers, hoping to emanate the happiness, hoping she could show Maggie how much it meant to her, just how happy this moment was.

"I'm so excited, Alex. " Maggie whispered and felt Alex's fingers burning against her, wandering, mapping her body, navigating to her stomach. Alex's eyes asked for consent and she nod, even though the both knew there was not much there yet. Still, Alex's burning fingers traced and circled, walked in amazement. Finally her palm pressed itself to the place they both new their future laid under and she gently kissed the spot.

"I never thought something so little could make me so content. Thank you. Thank you, my love. I am forever grateful."

Alex Danvers had never been a woman of Literature. Now she wished for every word ever written, sung or spoken to belong to her wife and child.

\--------

And then there was light. Thousand beeping sounds and millions of voices, billions of hands, but zero persons. The needles suddenly stung and an instinct awoke, the primary instinct of a mother awoke her. Suddenly there was too much air, too much of the world and for once she wished for a singular, for only one heart and only one story. That of her child's, who now only had one mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, thank you to those beautiful people out there who took some time and wrote me a comment. I deeply appreciate it.   
> Second, to anyone named Ingrid, or whoever felt uneasy because of Alex's remark, I do not by any means have anything against the name, I even plan on naming my daughter that, but please understand that for the story's sake, two characters can't always agree with each other. If I hurt or offended you, I am so sorry.   
> Third, the next chapter will be different. It will make more sense. Like I said, please bear with me, I am still mapping out the story. I do kind of like how it's going and I hope you too. Leave me a comment and tell me what you think.   
> Lastly, if you also think that Alex's language in the last snippet was too pompous or fancy, that is because I am currently reading a story of Henry the 8th's life and English court life has me going. 
> 
> I wish you a happy Easter and a wonderful week, 
> 
> All the love.


	3. Not your fight to carry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope no one mind this quick update? I'm on a roll and have loads of time on my hands, please enjoy.

The first word she uttered was the request to see her child. Her daughter, who didn't even have a name, who had no idea of the horrors of this world, who was as innocent and pure as ever.

The doctors had argued she was too weak, given they had barely managed to save her and that she needed to calm down and heal before that.

Maggie Sawyer stated calmly that it was her right and when the doctors finally gave in and promised the child later that day, Maggie finally let out a breath in relief. Would breathing be as hard from now on? Would every breath she took linger on the thought of Alex Danvers and how she was forever gone?

Kara was the first one to visit and her eyes were filled with compassion, tears and so much sadness. Maggie would normally have thought of the impact her sister's death would have on Kara, but it seemed so irrelevant right now. Kara stood motionless beside her, with her hand clutching on Maggie's, explaining the accident, telling the story of Alex Danvers' death.

She began by explaining how Alex had spent the day at hers, how she got the call from Maggie and everything that happened afterwards.

\------  
"I really hate you for not getting fat from so many potstickers." Alex said with her mouth full of noodles and throwing a pillow at Kara's head, who graciously avoided it.

"I would have been able to explain it to you if I had paid more attention to the Kriptonian Physics Classes, but my interest was unfortunately minimal." Kara chuckled and demonstrated by throwing the last potsticker in her mouth.

"Damn you and your Kryptonian genes." Alex mumbled.

They had been spending the day together, watching TV and eating, just like the old days. Maggie had assured her that she was fine and would call in the eventuality of something happening, if anything was wrong. Ever since the pregnancy announcement, the Danvers sisters never had the time all for themselves and the opportunity had revealed itself as perfect.

"How is it going?" Kara asked out of nowhere and Alex had to think for a second of what her sister meant, but it quickly dawned on her. Kara wanted her own insights on this adventure, wanted her feelings towards it.

"It is so exciting, Kara. Have you ever thought of me in this position? Expecting a child? Being so happy?"

"Yeah, kind of, but really not in this circumstances." Kara laughed and took Alex into her arms.

"Good, because I haven't. It just feels right, you know? She's just so perfect and we'll soon have a child and it's just so peaceful. We slipped into a beautiful routine and it feels great." Alex continued, watching Kara's face lighting up with joy.

It was true. Alex Danvers discovered the joys of coming home to her wife, to laying in bed next to her, not doing anything, just watching each other or reading, watching a movie. She discovered the joy of watching Maggie Sawyer exist and move through life and the happiness she would soon give birth to. She discovered the peace and contentment, of pride, every time she touched her wife's belly and the relief that washed over every time they kissed and Alex discovered that nothing had changed in so many years.

"She's due any day now, right?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm a little worried. If anything, my car is packed with everything we need and ready to go."

"Have you guys thought of a name?" Kara asked but was quickly interrupted, by Alex's ringtone going off, making her almost jump to the roof. And she somehow had a feeling what it was.

"It's Maggie." Alex simply said before she answered.

Kara knew she wasn't supposed to, but she needed to use her super hearing. Maybe she could help.

"Danvers." Alex simply stated and on other line moving could be heard and the slamming of doors.

"This kid is almost as impatient as you, Danvers." Maggie was heard and Kara practically squealed out of excitement.

"Wait, you mean-" Alex suddenly panicked, Kara once again noticing how for an agent her sister could pick up so damn slow sometimes.

"Alex, baby, breathe. I'll meet you there." Maggie calmly said and with that the line was closed. For a second Alex just looked at Kara in shock and couldn't move.

"Alex."

"Yeah?"

"Your child is being born. Hurry." Kara said, giving her a warm hug and hurrying her out the door. Even after the engine started, Alex was still staring.

\-----  
  
Kara continued by explaining how she wished she wouldn't have hurried her like that, how she wished she would have offered to drive with, or to just fly her there, but also how Lena had asked to pick her up when it was time.

Maggie stared absentmindedly into an abyss and if Kara hadn't known better, she wouldn't think that she was listening. In reality, Maggie wanted her to stop. Just stop telling the story of a day that should have been so happy, yet turned out to be the most horrible of them all. Worse than the day her Valentines card got passed on, worse than the day her father threw her in the streets, worse than any other time she messed up.

Kara continued, by explaining the same thing the police had told her, how the car crashed into a parapet on the A14, how several seconds later another crashed into it, making them both go up in flames. There wasn't even a body to bury . Not a trace of Alex Danvers left on this world.

Wrong. There was someone, a tiny human, holding the last of Alex Danvers, the last thing left behind to remind others of Alex's existence. Kara's sobbing got louder and louder, while Maggie's abyss got deeper and deeper.

She wished to be able to comfort Kara, wished to be there for her. But she couldn't. Given she couldn't even be there for herself, how could she save someone else from this despair? How could she tell little Danvers that things would get better, that everything will turn out alright? How could she say that, when she couldn't see the truth in those words?

"She is so beautiful, Maggie." Kara said in between tears, squeezing her hand and for a second Maggie thought of Alex and wanted to agree so badly. But there was no Alex left to be called beautiful.

\-----

The first time she ever called Alex beautiful, the woman blushed furiously and bit her lip nervously. She didn't quite know why she had said it so soon, but she wanted to and Alex's reaction made it worth it.

Alex Danvers was beautiful, but not in a typical way. As others may call their loved the sun and the stars, Maggie thought of Alex more like the nature. The beauty of nature, so complex, yet so simple. Alex was the summer rain, the wild rivers, the trees in winter and the pearls of water on grass. Alex was every part of the universe.

The second time she had called Alex beautiful was the night after the failed Cadmus rescue. She had whispered it until Alex fell asleep, she had shown it by caressing her face, by kissing every tear away, by listening to every whimper and every pledge.

Every single time she had called Alex beautiful, she wouldn't completely believe it. Maggie had whispered it in the mornings, on the tip of her nose. She had said it out loud at dates, would remark it on a peaceful Sunday afternoon, would murmur it against Alex's skin during the night, when Alex moaned her name in pleasure. She would say it in front of friends, call her that in front of Eliza, would add it along a kiss on the neck when J'onn wasn't looking.

Alex Danvers never got to acknowledge how beautiful she really was.

\-------  
Maggie was left in her own darkness and figured there couldn't have been anything more despicable of the doctors to do, than leave her like this. Leave her with her own memories, with her mind and heart, which held witness of the life Alex Danvers had lived and how short it had been. How few moments of happiness she had been given.

Even as a little child, Maggie would rarely cry. She would never indulge in this weakness and if she did, it was because she found herself at the end of her powers. Now, Maggie wanted, wished to be able to cry. But it seemed that along with Alex, her breath, her tears and her consciousness had also vanished.

Instead, she thought of how this day should have been, what should have happened. In any scenario she imagined, Alex was by her side. By her side the moment their daughter cried her first sound. By her side when they both would receive her into their family, when they would have named her. Alex would have been by their side every single night spent in this hospital, because she knew that Maggie hated hospitals.

On the other side of the door, she spotted Lena holding onto Kara, keeping her in her arms, while little Danvers was shaking, crying violently. Maggie was once again glad that Kara at least had someone there with her. Maggie would never have anyone by her side ever again.

\-----  
"You know, you can be so despicable at times." Kara's voice was heard through the thin walls of the apartment. The family stood frozen at the table, not daring to move. Eliza was clutching her fork so forcefully, that Alex feared she would bend it. Maggie took her fiancée's hand in her own underneath the table, rubbing circles in it, calming, reassuringly. She was aware of the fact that Alex had tried several times to get up, go to them and punch Mon El unconscious.

James was playing with his food, separating it by color on his plate, while Winn was fumbling with his tie. This had been going on for good 20 minutes and the awkwardness only grew.

"Maybe I should go break it off." Alex tried one more time with her free fist clenched, but Eliza warned her with one look.

"Alex, sit. Maggie, would you care for some more wine, dear?" She politely asked, ready to offer the bottle of wine to Maggie who gracefully refused.

"I think we've both had enough for tonight." She said and looked at Alex with a pleading look on her face. She was in no mood for drunk Alex on Christmas.

Another 10 minutes went by with shouting, but now Kara was clearly crying. And Alex was trembling, she was practically squeezing the life out of Maggie's hand, who didn't even flinch. Alex looked at Eliza, pleading only with her expression, who finally sighed, gave in, got up and moved to the other room.

"Mon El, I think it'd be best for you to leave." She calmly said and for the first time in her life, Alex was glad to have a mother like Eliza.

"But-" Mon El's voice was heard, which got cut off, by Eliza saying something silently.

Without saying anything, Mon El stormed to the door, picking up his keys and coat and left without saying a word. The tension left with him and the second the door slammed shut behind him, Alex got up and went for Kara.

Eliza eventually came back and resumed the dinner. Maggie, Winn and James continued on eating and through their discussion, Kara's sobbing got quieter, until it finally went numb.

There was a knock on the door. They looked up in surprise and hoping Mon El would have the decency not to come back, Maggie got up herself and went for the door, letting Eliza rest.

Lena Luthor in a white coat as proud as ever, yet with a warm smile on her face, handed a bottle of wine to Maggie.

"Lena. Merry Christmas, what-" Maggie began, gesturing for her to come in.

"I'm sorry to intrude, but Alex texted me. I-Kara..." Lena simply said, taking off her coat. Maggie nod understandingly and got Lena to follow her to the table.

"Lena, you remember everyone? Lena is here for-" Maggie stopped, not really knowing why Lena was there.

"Moral support. Merry Christmas everyone, if it's okay for everyone, I'll just go see Kara."

"Lena, shouldn't you be celebrating?" Eliza asked, after hugging her once and showing her Kara's door.

"There's no one I could be celebrating with, mrs. Danvers." Lena simply said and entered through the door. A few minutes later, Alex emerged, sat down, kissed Maggie's knuckles and smiled peacefully.

"Merry Christmas, my love."

\------  
The slumber ended as suddenly as it began and Maggie opened her eyes to the sight of Kara coming in, with a pink bundle in her arms, smiling sadly.

"Someone's here to see you." She simply said and got nearer to Maggie, who adjusted herself on the pillows. It hurt, but the hurting was worth it if she got to see her daughter.

Carefully, Kara placed the baby in her arms and Maggie was suddenly able to breathe again. Maggie was suddenly able to cry again, to feel conscious, to feel life as it was. It fully hit her what her arms were holding.

A pair of chocolate like eyes looked up at her in amazement, peacefully, rested. Alex Danvers was suddenly back, because for Maggie, the baby she was holding was the exact copy of her mother. It appeared to her that she knew those features so well from another life, in another life where they would move in such beautiful, fierce yet so graceful ways.

It dawned on her that Alex Danvers wasn't really gone. Not really, not as long as this little bundle of joy was nestled in her arms, not as long as that innocent look, perfectly imitating her mother's, was looking up her. Not as long as those tiny lips were so known to her, in the same position and while her skin was so soft. Because Maggie dared to touch her daughter's face, whose eyes immediately closed at the contact with her mother's finger and fell asleep. She carefully pressed a kiss on her forehead, careful not to stain her with her tears.

Her daughter deserved only happiness, she needed no contact to this world. Maggie realized she would do anything to never see her daughter crying, or at least to always be as peaceful as she was now. She wished for her daughter to be as intelligent as her mother, as brave and as ready to fight for her loved ones. She carefully pressed the tiny human being to her chest and felt her heart beating at the same beat as hears, felt her tiny hair against her lips and wiped her face in hope those tears wouldn't ever touch her child.

Maggie completely forgot of Kara's presence and she finally looked up at her.

"You were right," Maggie coaxed, "she is so beautiful. There is so much of Alex in her." Kara could simply nod, smiling at her niece, sleeping peacefully in her mother's arms.

"Maggie, she needs a name." Kara finally got the words out and Maggie squeezed her eyes shut. She nod in understanding, pressing her lips to the child's head one more time.

"Alex- she told me you have thought of a name." Kara continued. Indeed they had. After so many discussions they had settled with the perfect name, which now didn't seem as perfect anymore.

Maggie wouldn't name her daughter for the dead. She wouldn't give in to the temptation of raising a new Alex, she would give her child the possibility to be her own person. But as much as the child would never get to grow next to her mother, she still needed something to keep her close to her mother.

"Alexandria Danvers." Maggie simply said. Lexa for short. She could feel Kara smiling, probably imagining the connection the child would now have to her mother. But Maggie's reasons laid deeper than that.

Apart from wanting a connection, she wanted her daughter to be strong, to be fierce, able to stand up for herself. Alexandria, for Alexander the Great's cities, for cities of culture and power, for the path they paved for themselves.   
Alexandria, for her mother.

Spring shone through the windows of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I would like for everyone who commented, voted, read, to know how grateful I am. To those who took the time to comment,you made my day so much better and I hope I can someday make yours as nice. 
> 
> As for the chapter, I am not so sure. Sure, I like it and it's getting where I want it to get, but at the same time there's this fear I have that it might disappoint some. Tell me your opinion below. 
> 
> The good news is that I have completed the mapping out of the entire story. We have at least 15 chapters going and at least other 10, judging by where it takes us. 
> 
> As for the name I chose foe the daughter, I needed her to have a connection to Alex. I like the name, I hope you accept it too. What the real name should have been, will be revealed eventually. 
> 
> If you have any questions or confusion, please let me know.
> 
> Happy Easter, everyone! 
> 
> All the love.


	4. Everyone's filling me up with noise, I don't know what they're talking about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo  
> I apologize for any mistakes or anything else you don't like :) enjoy

People had been coming and going. People from work, friends, those around her. The first one after Kara had been Eliza. With puffy red eyes, trembling, she looked as if she had aged 30 years in just one night. She tried, the poor woman tried a smile, but it had come out in ragged, almost comical way. So she stopped.

She had found herself a chair and pulled it next to Maggie's bed, the sound of it waking Maggie. Somehow, she had expected her to come and the surprise was minimal.

For a while, they stood in silence, Eliza looking carefully at Maggie, Maggie looking carefully at the wall. And then at Eliza. And back. She could spot Kara behind the door, taking glances in. For one horrible moment, Maggie despised Eliza. She despised all those horrible words she had said to her daughter, she despised the way she had made Alex feel small, she despised the fact that it was Eliza sitting there, not Alex.

Maggie came to her senses. As much as she mentally disliked the woman next to her for everything she'd done, she was sure that the woman had it going worse. That thought calmed her and made it possible to look the woman directly in the eyes. It was then for the first time she noticed the resemblance Alex had to Eliza and it was there that Maggie could have painted herself a picture of how Alex would have looked growing older.

"How are you feeling?" Eliza finally asked. If she could, Maggie would have scoffed. Stupid, stupid question to ask right now. She realized of course how her own stupid thoughts played against Eliza and she hated herself for it. But for now she needed someone to hate. Just for a second, enough to be able to answer the asked question.

"Miserable." She simply answered, Eliza nodding in understanding.

"Alexandria. She is perfect, I-" Eliza began, but cut herself off with a coughing fit, which also pulled some tears out of her eyes.

"There is so much of Alex in her." Eliza finally completed and reached out to take Maggie's hand in hers. Maggie didn't resist the motion. Her hand felt nothing. A great, big nothing.

"Maggie, I need you to know that I'll be here. We'll be here, we'll help as much as you'll let us and we'll understand if you don't want us to help. But-" Eliza said in full, heavy sentences.

"You need to know that you'll be allowed to see her." Maggie completed, already knowing what the woman would ask.

"Yes. You need to understand that Kara and I-"

"I wouldn't even dream of excluding Kara out of her life. Not even you. You're the last traces of Alex she has in her life." Maggie spoke. There was a sigh in relief, but whose it was, she couldn't tell.

\------  
Alex was always so much tenser when it came to Eliza. Her fluid, relaxed Alex, turned to a pile of rocks whenever her mother was even faintly mentioned and would turn back to being a feather every time Maggie would take her hand in hers and would press a kiss to her neck, murmuring calming words against her skin.

There had been the first time Maggie had met Eliza and as much as she was tense in preparation for the meeting, Alex was at least a thousand times worse. They had decided to take brunch together and Alex had decided to take one of the greatest steps in her life. At brunch.

  
Somehow, everything they had been doing, everything they had been saying to others had begun with a door in fron of them, with clutching at each others hands and thinking of possible outcomes. Alex had whispered that she could already spot Eliza at a table, so that meant their time to ponder was limited. A smiling waiter was already waiting for them outside their car with an umbrella.

Heavy rain drops were racing on the glass surrounding them and Maggie sighed one more time, before giving Alex the look, that it was time to go in. To this day, Maggie still wishes she had kissed Alex before that. Somehow, she didn't.

From the stories and from the way Alex reacted at the mention of her mother, Maggie had imagined an ice queen, with a mean look and mighty composure. But the sweet, blonde lady who got up smiling at the sight of them was no comparison to the pictures Maggie had painted for herself. Suddenly, almost on call, her sweetest smile appeared and she was hoping that Alex had noticed it. Alex, however, was miles away. With her hand in hers, yet miles away.

"Mom, this is Maggie. Maggie, this is my mother." Alex had said and the women looked each other in the eye. Two women who loved Alex Danvers in different ways.

"It is so nice to finally meet you, Maggie. Alex has told me so much about you." Eliza had said and Maggie had felt Alex getting redder by the minute.

"The pleasure is all mine, mrs. Danvers. I do hope you enjoy the place we've picked. It's one of our favorites." Maggie had answered. Yea, indeed it was one of their favorites. Those rare lazy mornings had been spent here and Maggie figured that a place Alex felt comfortable in, would make the meeting better.

"I really do like the atmosphere here. Come, let's sit." Eliza had said and gestured the girls to sit in front of her. The waiter shuffled towards them and after ordering, they had begun talking about life and what it was like.

Eliza wanted details about Maggie's life, Maggie complied. Eliza asked of her family, Maggie answered, as much as she could without deriving into too much drama. In the end it appeared to be a nice lunch and Alex had loosened up a little.

"And Maggie, what are your plans for the future? Alex hasn't said much about that." Eliza asked after a while of silence. Maggie had counted and Alex was on her third glass of Mimosa. And Maggie wished for all she had dear that Alex wouldn't understand that wrongly.

"I'd like to broaden my horizons a little. Maybe, begin a new hobby, or look for some more work at the DEO. I really like it there." The brunette answered as truthful as possible. There wasn't much. She just wanted to be happy.

"And your love life?" Eliza asked and suddenly Alex's glass landed on the table with much more force than before.

"Sure, why not assume that this won't last, mother." Alex said, sarcastically, Maggie squeezed her lips shut. There it was.

"Alex, I didn't-" Eliza began.

"I'm sure there's still hope in you that I'll wake up and think this was a mistake, right?" Alex continued and that was it. Maggie had enough.

She had prepared for the worst person alive. She had prepared for someone to treat her like shit and someone to tell her that she wasn't enough for her daughter. Instead she got a genuinely interested mother and an ungrateful child.

"Alex. Come on, stop it. I'm sure your mother didn't mean anything wrong by that." Maggie had said.

"Yes, because after this interrogation I'm sure you got to know her so well." Alex spat.

"Hey. I prepared for everything today, for every bad thing to be thrown at me. What I got instead was a very nice person, a mother genuinely interested to get to know her child's girlfriend. That's more than I ever got." Maggie answered and Eliza looked up at her in surprise.

"And to answer your question, mrs. Danvers, I like your daughter very much and I would like to be with her as much as she lets me." Maggie said simply and got up. "If you'd excuse me, I need to use the toilet."

As she left, she noticed the already visible regret in Alex's face.

She came back to a much lighter atmosphere. They served lunch in polite talk, completely nice, no return of bitter Alex. At the end of it, Eliza had hugged her tightly and insisted that she called her by her name. With Alex tiny like a puppy next to her, Maggie started the engine of her car, ready not to ever talk about that again.

\------  
J'onn was next. The tall man stood by her bed, with the same concerned face as ever on. Not a single tear escaped his eyes and like she had expected it, there was silence. He couldn't know what words to say, or how to make it better. She didn't even know it.

"How are you?" Maggie asked and by that surprised even herself.

"Like a man who lost his last daughter." The man stated, on the same as ever stoic tone, as if nothing had changed.

"That can't feel nice." Maggie said. They both slipped back into silence. However, Maggie would have paid anything to know what the man was thinking. The man who had saved Alex, who had given her a purpose, who had served as a father and friend.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Maggie continued, just wanting to break the silence. Not as if she didn't like the silence, it was comforting and much easier to shut out those feelings.

"I just wanted to see you. Alexandria too. I'm leaving." He stated, same as ever voice and Maggie deeply appreciated that. When your world is being rocked to the core, you don't want everything else around to change as well. Yet, it did. The tones of everyone around her had changed and everyone's posture was different. Thoughts had changed and Maggie just wanted it to all go back to 3 days ago.

"Leaving?"

"There's something I need to investigate. And I need Superman to help me. The DEO will shut down it's headquarters in National City for a while." He answered. Maggie realized that she couldn't even rely on him, when wanting no change.

"All because of A- her?" Maggie asked again, not daring to say the name yet.

"No, we established a zone of safety around National City along with Supergirl and we need to do that with Superman as well." J'onn said, giving Maggie the impulse to think of what Alex would have thought of this move.

"Did she know?"

"Yes."

"Would she have left along you?"

"As much as she would have been very much needed, we had both decided for her to stay behind with her family. We'll be back in one year, anyway, so she could have resumed her work after your lives had settled in." J'onn further explained.

"And what a strange turn of events it has been." Maggie murmured to herself.

\-----  
Maggie had never really trusted J'onn. That was until one night, she had changed her mind. Alex had told what happened only months later, but Maggie wasn't stupid. As stoic and powerful J'onn wanted to appear, Alex was still the most important thing in his life.

Maggie had been waiting at the DEO for hours, knowing that as soon as Alex would return from their mission, they would go home and it all would go back to normal.

She and Vasquez had been playing Mario Kart in Winn's computer for some good hours, when the sirens went off, alerting the incoming team. Maggie and Vasquez shut the game down, smiling to each other at the prospect of a nice night at home.

7 losses. 3 hurt, along them a badly injured Alex. She was being carried by J'onn, who had his own bruises, but refused to get them taken care of until Alex was up and well. Which didn't actually take long.

Maggie stood by her side while she got stitched up and at first she wanted to jump at J'onn for putting Alex in such a dangerous position.

Few months later, Alex told her the truth. She told her how the team went on a mission to recover a lost alien somewhere in the dessert. How J'onn had commanded her to stay down, to wait for a response from the alien. But Alex had argued they would only be losing time.

What she didn't expect, was the backlash of the alien, who belonged to a species which wasn't keen on unexpected visitors.

In theory, the DEO protocol dictated that no such battle place was to be left, until the alien would be convinced of their good intentions. Yet, J'onn had aborted the mission, the minute the fist of the alien first hit Alex bad enough for her to become unconscious. And then, he had brought her home safe.

From that day on, Maggie Sawyer had never doubted J'onn J'onnz. If she knew that he was next to Alex during a mission, Maggie felt safer. Maggie felt like Alex's chances of coming back home whole were much bigger.

\-------  
Kara had been bonding with the baby. After J'onn had left, she and Lena came in, Alexandria carefully placed in her aunt's arms. Occasionally, Kara was cooing at her, making funny faces, while Lena was talking to Maggie.

Reluctantly, Kara passed the baby over to her mother, sitting down in a chair next to Lena. And while Maggie was breastfeeding the little girl, the three of them were talking about what would follow.

Before even thinking too much of it, Maggie made a proposition:

"Guys, what would you think of being this one's godparents? I know you're not married or even in a relationship, but there's honestly no one in the world I'd rather pick." Maggie said and firmly believed that Alex would have agreed. Alex would have agreed to anything just to keep her daughter safe.

Of course the both of them agreed. As Kara half cried, half laughed, Lena was standing proudly with one hand on Kara's thigh, smiling sadly, yet proudly.

"Are you done, little one?" Maggie whispered, kissing her daughter's nose, who was once again looking up at her in wonder. She wondered if she would ever get enough of this view, if she would ever get used to the girl existing in such shape and form.

"Have you heard from J'onn?" Maggie asked, not fully paying attention to the girls, but rather stroking the baby's face, taking in all the beautiful features, relearning Alex Danvers' face.

"Yeah. I'm sure she wouldn't have left, Maggie." Kara quickly responded.

"We haven't even talked about it. She never told me."

"It was classified information until earlier today. The only reason I know is because J'onn is obligated to tell me everything that's going on." Kara defended. It was of such little importance, Maggie thought.

\------  
They hadn't seen each other in days. Somewhat frustrated, Maggie sat in front of her TV, hoping to hear a sound from the door. Alex was on a mission, a lengthy mission, for about 3 days they had been searching the desert for some clues and Maggie couldn't be more frustrated.

She knew how selfish it was. She knew that she needed to be supportive, but did she miss Alex's embrace at night, Alex's laugh in the mornings and just Alex. Alex. Alex. The TV was running yet another episode of How I Met Your Mother and as much as Maggie found it to be funny and entertaining, she couldn't focus. The lack of Alex Danvers nagged deep within her.

Some keys fell in the bowl and the door was slammed shut, a gun probably placed on the counter. Alex entered the room out of nowhere looking around in confusion. For a moment, standing up, Maggie was torn between asking and kissing. But it seemed that the decision had been taken for her, as Alex moved closer to her, taking her face in one hand and putting her other one on her hip, her mouth closing in on Maggie's. Her breathing was ragged, uncontrolled, as if she had run all the way home, but her tongue silently met Maggie's, asking for entrance, asking for Maggie to give in.

Maggie knew that these actions were Alex's way of screaming, of punching things around her in frustration so she allowed it. She allowed herself to be used, because frankly, it was everything she needed. Pushing forwards, Alex pinned her to the wall, raising her leg so it would attach to Alex's hip and kissing violently, yet so, so attentive of Maggie's moans and needs.

"You. Are. So. Beautiful." Alex punctuated in between kisses. Maggie caught a glimpse of the fire in Alex's eyes, which only managed to spark another one in her core. Maggie was struggling to keep up with Alex. She was tired and Alex was violently nipping at her jawline,tracing patterns down her neck , where she paused, to press hot kisses, sucking and licking at her girlfriend's skin. Out of nowhere, Alex's teeth grazed on her skin and Maggie yelped out in pain.

"Babe?" Alex suddenly stopped, looking at her, the furious look disappeared from her face.

"Don't stop. Just do anything you want to do to me." She whispered, entangling her fingers in Alex's hair, pulling her closer. Alex groaned in desire and continued to follow the pathway down to Maggie's collarbone, where she settled, attracting little moans and pleadings out of Maggie's mouth.

"Maggie, I am going to fuck you against this wall. Can you hold on to me?" She quickly asked, while unbuttoning Maggie's shirt. Maggie gulped down and nod, suddenly feeling Alex's hot hands and mouth on her breasts and moaning out in pleasure. Silently, Alex pulled down at Maggie's sweatpants, which pooled on the floor and slipped her fingers underneath the waistband separating her from her goal.

  
She fully revealed Maggie, leaving her completely naked, pressed to the cold wall and admiring her from a few steps back. Pulling her hair back, Alex licked at her own lips, looking at the hot and bothered woman standing writhing in front of her. Alex could swear she had never seen something as beautiful and as perfect in her entire life.

"I could look at you like this all day." She whispered and resumed her spot, pressing herself fully on Maggie and slipping one finger between her folds. For a while, she just played with the wetness inside, spreading it everywhere, massaging the spot and applying pressure on her clit. Her head was pressed onto Maggie's shoulder, occasionally biting down on it and when she felt ready, she slipped two fingers inside, without warning.

She allowed Maggie to adjust, slipping them in carefully, slowly, feeling the entire body underneath her trembling, shaking like a leaf. When she got fully accustomed to the feeling, Alex raised her face and looked lovingly at the brunette with the closed eyes.

"I just love you so much." She said and with that,she slammed those two fingers back up, furiously. Maggie screamed out in pleasure. Alex picked up the pace, resumed her position. As she was pounding into her girlfriend, Alex was carefully listening to the voice underneath her, screaming out her name, yelling out profanities and begging. Oh, begging.

Later that night, after picking up an exhausted Maggie and carrying her to bed, taking her in her arms, she pressed a kiss on every single bruised she caused. Maggie was happily smiling, looking at the way Alex moved.

"What happened today?"

"3 dead. I couldn't save them." Maggie responded and the softness of the girl stopping every time something seemed off,asking for permission before anything,came back.

"Go to sleep,baby. Tomorrow will be better." Maggie whispered and pressed herself to Alex's chest,falling asleep.

\-----  
"So, mrs. Sawyer. I am doctor Dewitt and I am going to perform a psychological exam on you, to see whether you're fit to be sent home tomorrow or not. How are you feeling?"

Maggie knew the standard answers in and out. She knew the procedure, knew what she was allowed to say and what not. She settled for the half-truth.

"Tired. Sad. Empty." She simply said, looking over at the small crib next to her. They had allowed Alexandria to be brought over in her room, which made for a more peaceful environment.

"Which of them would you say it's predominant?" The doctor asked after noting down what she just said.

"Empty. I know I should probably be crying my heart out, but there's nothing to cry out, I fear." She responded, keeping her eyes fixed on the child.

"Do you think this feeling will ever disappear?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I think it will eventually diminish."

"Do you think you can take care of your daughter, mrs. Sawyer?" The doctor asked and Maggie could admit, she hadn't seen this one coming.

"I know that I will give her my best." She stated.

"And what's your predominating thought today?"

"I just want to go home." She said. The real answer? _I don't know how I'm going to live in a world without Alex Danvers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello. I do admit this chapter has been difficult to write. I do not want you guys to feel like I am stretching if, but I swear that every single word is leading somewhere. I just hope you'll be patient enough to see for yourself.  
> I appreciate each and every single one of you guys and am thankful for all the comments I've received so far. If everyone wants to yell at me, punch me, I'm here.  
> As for Eliza and Maggie meeting, in my view the time they met on the show was too familiar, so it means they had met before. This is my version of it.  
> Even the thing with J'onn and the DEO will make sense, I promise.   
> One more thing, the way Alex behaved at the brunch. I know some of you may argue that Alex wouldn't normally behave like this and while I do understand that, I know such behavior from personal experience. 
> 
> If there are any questions,please ask, I am happy to respond as good as I can. Those of you asking whether Alex is making a comeback, I can't/won't say. I do think we need to wait and see.  
> I hope everyone had a beautiful weekend, 
> 
> All the love.


	5. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it has been a long time. Yes, I know you all hate me. Yes, you will probably find mistakes, but I wanted to first get this out, for you, those who waited. I am tremendously sorry and I will come back to correct these mistakes. 
> 
> Hope you like it

On the very good days, Maggie would wait for Alexandria to wake up. She would walk to her room, painted in all the colors of the nature, would greet her with her widest smile and would look at her daughter, as she would look at an angel.

She would pick her up, keep her close to her heart, greeting her good morning. Maggie would kiss her tiny ears, her cheeks, her nose, each eye lid, would take in her smell, get herself accustomed to the feeling of her own daughter. She'd blow raspberries on her tummy and Alexandria would giggle lightly, would make careful laughing sounds, keeping her eyes on her mother. 

Maggie discovered soon enough that her daughter already showed signs of having her dimples and found tiny bits of her own personality in her. Lexa was quiet, yet ready to make her own presence known. She wondered of the world around her, yet relied on her mother for support. She listened to songs and stories, as if her mother was the one to write them, as if she knew that those words would help her grow and develop. 

The home was usually quiet and on those very good days, they would take their time. They'd smile, Maggie would tell stories, Alexandria would listen and giggle. Maggie would explain the world around them, Alexandria would stare wide eyed at what her mother showed her, would follow her mothers finger, which was showing and teaching. 

On those very good days, their home would smell of happiness and spring, jazz music would be heard from the speakers. Whenever they felt ready, they would go outside, Lexa tucked carefully in her stroller, watching the clouds wandering the blue skies. The girl would watch the birds, would catch the scents of the world and would stretch her small, chubby hands out to the sky. Meanwhile, her hair seemed to mirror that of Maggie's.

Walking through the park, Maggie would sit on a bench, with Lexa on her lap, playing peekaboo, tickling her lightly. They'd stay like that for hours. When Alexandria would nap, Maggie would read, would watch the people, would smile at the children playing around them. Sometimes, the old ladies of the park would engage in conversations with her, would praise Lexa, would congratulate Maggie, would share their cookies with her. 

Back home, Maggie would give her a bath, would wash her skin lightly, would play with the ducks, naming them, building an empire of ducks for Lexa. The baby grew fond of mr. Tootsies and mrs. Toot-toot, her two favorite ducks. Maggie tried to forget that it was Alex who bought them. 

At night, the mother would place the daughter in her crib, would sit down on a fluffy armchair next to the crib and would tell her stories of strong women, of women conquering the world single handedly. Maggie would fall asleep right there, in their safe space. 

\-------  
They were perfect, she thought. She thought of how Alex existed in this world, of the way she spun her world around a thousand times faster just by looking at her. There was nothing more comforting than the thought of Alex. 

And that's what she thought to herself every time they hit rough spots. And usually it worked. Usually, she would shake it off, sigh, sit down and ask Alex to be reasonable. Usually, they'd find a way. Ride or die. Somehow. 

But when Alex refused to go spend New Years with Maggie's family for once, she took it hard. She took it personal and the usual reasonable voice in her head, telling her how perfect they were, how just the sound of Alex's voice would get her to see the world in better colors, suddenly vanished. 

Alex was sitting on the counter, looking at Maggie with pleading eyes. Maggie thought it was stupid how she was the one to plead right now. Things should be the other way around. They shouldn't be in this situation and it itched her. Itched in so many ways, that she couldn't count them.

"Why won't you do this for me, Alex? You haven't given me one good reason ever since we've started arguing about this and I..." Maggie pleaded once more, getting close to the counter of their kitchen. They were sharing this new apartment. They were sharing everything, except reasons. 

"I wanted to celebrate at home with everyone here. It's the beginning of a new year and I just wanted to be close to everyone we love." 

"You know, you being all good at maths doesn't really help right now, because you've missed something from this equation. My own happiness." Maggie silently said, being fully aware of what she was saying. 

"You mean to tell me that you're not happy here? In this life right now?" Alex asked panicked.

"No, Alex, that's not it. Just for once I want you to experience where I come from, what my family is like, what I enjoy doing." 

"You know that I really like your cousin, Maria and her husband, I really do, Maggie. But this is important." Alex sighed and tried to lightly brush the hair out of her girlfriend's face. 

"Well, there are things which are equally important to me, Alex." Maggie answered on a disappointed tone and turned away from Alex's touch. 

"Okay, you know what, fine. Fine, I'll do just that, because I cannot have you unhappy. Please believe me that I would put your own happiness first, just to please you." Alex finally gave in and Maggie could finally sigh and remember that Alex Danvers was perfect. She was perfect just for tolerating her girlfriend at times like this. 

Alex Danvers never told her that she had planned to fly her family over for New Years, to have everyone around them as she proposed. Alex Danvers bit her tongue on that, every single time. 

\----  
On the good days, Maggie would wake the tiny girl up, kiss her a million times and after changing her, would put the baby in the specially designed chair in the kitchen. Maggie drank her coffee, occasionally talking to little Alexandria, making her giggle and whisper her sweet nothings in her ear. 

And after feeding her, Maggie Sawyer would tell the baby sitter the daily instructions, would kiss Lexa, who was apparently too busy silently watching the TV and closed the door behind her, waving with a smile on her face. 

Detective Maggie Sawyer was back in full force and everyone agreed that it was almost as if nothing ever happened. She greeted her colleagues with the same enthusiasm, would make coffee for everyone and would settle down at her desk, getting the work done. 

She'd joke around and on the missions, she was still the badass Maggie Sawyer they all knew and loved, would use the gun with the same ease as usual and solve her cases like they were nothing. 

At lunch time, she'd order everyone's meal, still knowing exactly what everyone wanted and would eat together with the guys, while watching a football game or whatever was on at the moment. 

They knew not to mention the accident, or anything, because that would just get her in her passive mood and no one was up to that. No one was up to Maggie Sawyer slumping around, with a sad face on, not saying a word. They all liked the happy Maggie. And it was to stay the same. 

After lunch, they'd gather all around her to FaceTime tiny Alexandria, make jokes and funny faces, anything to make the little girl laugh. Her laugh, to all of them, was a delight and many of them found themselves visiting Maggie, with a new toy for Lexa and some time to spend with the two girls. Some of their wives even sent casseroles. 

It had become routine and everyone was content. Maggie appeared to be content about it. 

Only late at night, when she finally came home, she could finally inhale the scent of the little child. She decided numerous times that there was nothing better than the smell of a new born and Maggie relished in it, as much as she could. Alexandria and her would fall asleep on the large bed she once shared with someone else.

\-----

The smell of July lingered in the air, caressing their faces, just as the smell of sea and sand did, every time they got to inhale it again. Alex closed the last door on their car, carrying a full basket in one hand and the other one ready to engulf Maggie's. 

"Do you really want to do this?" Alex asked for the thousandth time, giving her wife a reassuring look. 

"Alex, I'll be showing very soon, hell, there are moments when I can already see it," Maggie began and Alex squeezed her hand for those words. 

She knew those moments, in the mornings, when Maggie would look in the mirror, inspecting her stomach for changes and Alex would come from behind, wrap her in her arms and place her palms on the spot. And she could swear she felt life underneath the skin every single time.

"It's long overdue we tell them. And the timing is perfect. Everyone will be here. Almost everyone." She completed her own sentence. Alex leaned in for a small kiss, because oh, what this woman did to her. How she spun her around with her words and actions and how she loved her. She could already feel the salty taste on Maggie's lips and she laughed contentedly. This would be their last summer as two. 

"Come on, lovebirds, the fire is about to start." A voice, possibly Winn's was heard from behind and by the time they woke up from their bliss, he was already walking down the wooden stairs to the beach. 

"Come. It's just another first, right?" Maggie stated, walking after Winn. 

The group was already round the not yet lit wood, waiting for everyone to arrive. James, Lucy and Mon El seemed to be playing with a ball, while Kara and Winn were sorting out the food. Occasionally, they would slap each other lightly on the hand, to avoid the stealing of too much food. 

"Hey, can we help?" Alex greeted, placing the basket on the sand, beginning to unpack it. 

"We've brought apple pies and different sauces for the barbecues. Oh, and marshmallows. Huge ones." Maggie stated, looking disapprovingly at the Danvers sisters. 

"Hey, just because you're my sister in law, does not mean you get to judge our eating habits." Kara answered, giving Maggie a hug. 

"Besides, I've seen you steal about three of them last night." Alex completed. Of course Alex knew that Maggie wouldn't normally want marshmallows. All was different now. 

"You promised to keep it a secret!" Maggie answered, pushing Alex lightly to the side. 

They continued the day by setting the fire, arranging the food, playing in the sand and watching the sea moving. Maggie found it particularly relaxing and it seemed that her eyes were glued to the water. Come sunset, they were ready. 

"Ok, guys, everyone fill up your glasses with champagne and take these lights in your hands, James thinks they'll look cool on the camera or whatever." Lara said, handing out the glasses to everyone. 

"Hey, it will look great, with the good exposure levels." James was heard. They were all sitting together, the fire already burning brightly. 

But when it came to Maggie's glass, the secret escaped. At first, Kara just looked suspiciously at her, but then shrugged it off. It was Lucy who spotted the thing that wasn't quite right. 

"Since when doesn't Sawyer drink?" She asked, ready to fill up her glass. Maggie looked at Alex and Alex looked at Maggie, all eyes glued on them. 

"We think this is the perfect moment to share this with you guys-" Maggie began carefully, with her hand safely placed in Alex's. 

"You are the first one's to find out that Maggie is pregnant. We're having a baby!" Alex blurted out, impatiently. There was a mix of happy shouting, of cries, of hugs and of laughter. So, so much happiness. 

When it came to toasting, everyone opted to tost with orange juice for Maggie. 

"Happy fourth of July, everyone! And all the best to Alex and Maggie. You guys deserve the best!" Kara then said, with tears in her eyes. 

Later, before the sun completely went down, after answering all the questions and getting the congratulations, Alex set down a blanket for the two of them a little bit farther from the group. In each other's arms, they watched the sun go down. Alex pressed tiny kisses to Maggie's temples. 

"I love you so much. Nothing will ever take that away from me, nothing in this world." Alex whispered. Maggie responded by pressing herself closer to Alex, closer than humanly possible. Alex, Alex, Alex. 

"And I love you, Alex Danvers. And I can't wait to share this adventure with you. One more first for us." 

\------  
On the bad days, Maggie would wake up in the comfortable chair next to Alexandria's bed. She always figured that she had woken up in the middle of the night, to check on the girl and couldn't bring herself to go back to that same, cold, empty bed. 

She would take care of Alexandria's needs and would take out a photo album of hers and show the little one the pictures. She wanted to make it a happy opportunity, she really did. But something broke in her every time she woke up in that chair. 

"Look, Lexa, Lexie- that's momma with your mama. Yes, that was the fourth of July. We had just found out about you. It was such a beautiful day. Like every day with your mama." She'd explain and Lexa would stop giggling, would reach for the photo, her little palm pressing itself between the two happy faces. 

"And here, here's aunt Kara with your mama. It was aunt Kara's birthday. Do you like it when aunt Kara swoops you in the air? Yeah? Yeah, you do." She was sure the girl didn't understand much, but she needed her to know of her other mother. Of the one who couldn't share all these firsts with their daughter. 

"Look, in this photo mama beat uncle Winn at a game, again. I hope you inherit her good skills at Pictionary." Maggie would explain, pointing at the photo of pouting Winn and laughing Alex. Laughing Alex, the one smile that'd wake her from the most terrible of dreams. That'd make her see the world through new eyes. Alexandria looked up confused at her momma, who just shrugged it off. 

"It's an easy game, darling, I'll teach you. She would have had so much fun teaching you." 

For the rest of the day, they'd sit on the couch, occasionally playing, occasionally giggling, reading stories and listening to music. Maggie would fall asleep in the chair next to the crib once again. 

\-------  
There was no friend waiting for her with a readied bed. There was no one she could go to, except Alex. And funnily enough, Alex was the last person she wanted to see. 

It happened to be heavily snowing and the snowflakes glued themselves to her helmet, as she was racing through the streets of the city. She had always thought that National City was even more beautiful at 1 AM. The empty streets, the fresh smell and the lights, oh the lights. Especially those made her forget how dark it was on her inside. 

Maggie understood Alex's point of view. She understood why it was so hard for Alex to not be part of the making of their own baby. But Maggie couldn't understand when Alex had gotten so selfish, to put her own fiancé in danger, just because of it. 

Maggie never understood how she had gotten so selfish to not properly understand Alex. After all, she had promised: ride or die. And now, facing exactly this, Maggie felt afraid. She felt afraid to even have a child in the first place, nevertheless to bear in and now- to participate in a clinical trial just to compensate for Alex's own selfishness? 

Her mind was running faster than her bike, paralleling between the thought of Alex being selfish and the same thought, yelling back at her that Alex could never be that, that all her actions and pleadings were justified. 

Was it justified that Maggie found herself in a foreign bar? Was it justified that she drank all her thoughts away, that she listened to the sad music without feeling anything? Was it justified, that when a girl sat down next to her, she didn't say anything? Was it justified that she didn't tell the girl that she was already engaged, that she didn't stop her from giving her the number? 

Was it justified that she thought it'd be foolish to drive in this state and let herself be led to a hotel by the girl whose name she had already forgotten? Was it justified that she didn't pull back when the strange lips met hers? 

She did not know. She knew, in the back of her mind that she'd hate herself for this in the morning. She knew she'd be thankful for not allowing the girl to follow her upstairs, but after all, was it all justifiable? 

\-----  
On the worst of days, Maggie wouldn't get up from her bed. At the first sound of Alexandria, she'd text Kara to come over. And Kara would come in a heartbeat. 

On the worst of days, Maggie was numb. She couldn't even feel love, not rage, not anger, not sadness. She numbed herself with the medication and a glass of old water. She wouldn't move. The wall in front of her was the only thing her eyes met on those days. On those days, the world did not exist. Those were the days that felt the closest to how a world without Alex Danvers should feel. 

She'd hear Kara around the house, playing with the girl. And as much as Lexa giggled and seemed to be happy, she could sense it that she asked herself where momma was. 

Kara never talked about those days. She just came and did what she was asked to do. They never once mentioned in and they never would. On those days, Supergirl had a day off and the only important thing in the whole wide world was the tiny replica of Alex. 

Only once she tried to come into Maggie's room, to bring her some food. She even got next to the bed, crouched down to face the woman and met empty eyes. She tried talking, she wasn't even sure if Maggie heard her or not. Kara gave up after that time. 

On the worst days, Maggie Sawyer Danvers did not exist. She retreated to a world where Alex was everything. Maggie retreated to a world where it was silence, where Alex and her were the only constant in the universe. 

It was proven on those days, how Alex Danvers had taken Maggie Sawyer's will to breathe the day the universe decided she had to stop existing. Maggie Sawyer was a being of unknown places on those days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone.  
> I know my absence came sudden. It appeared that I had so much writing this and I really did, but life came in the way. I tend to take up so much stuff to do and I end up exhausted and not prepared to weite anythunf anymore. 
> 
> I am immensely sorry. I want to apologize to every single one who waited, who was disappointed and expected more. I will try my best to not make you wait for so long the next time. 
> 
> About what Maggie did, you will probably all hate me. But a story comes with the good and the bad. And yes, you will get Alex's reaction. 
> 
> I do still enjoy all of your comments, am thankful for them, love you guys infinitely. I'm thinking of taking a Beta on this cruise (you know who you are), it would be good to have someone correcr my mistakes. Please believe me that I much rather wanted to give this to you than wait another day to correct all this. 
> 
> To all those who are still here, thank you. I promise I won't disappoint again. 
> 
> What got me going for this chapter was last nights episode. I had a lot of fun with writing this, because it's not really my style, but I like it. I hope you do too. 
> 
> All the love.
> 
> PS: LAST NIGHTS EPISODE WAS PERFECT OMG I AM STILL DYING. ANYONE WANNA DIE WITH ME??

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think and whether I should continue this or not. So far, I really enjoy writing it. 
> 
> Have a wonderful week.


End file.
